what kind of maelstroms of responsibility are on my answring machine huh? try and take a freakin break fer fuks sake little wumper. sit in the sun and relax. read a book. when did you last do that huh? but no. they call you and ask you to be involved. there are deadlines. there are impending schedules.

i eat lunch with myself in one of the assorted hell realms known as a a diner. the girl at the coffee shack is cute but looks unstable. hell, everyone looks unstable and i cant be any different.

girl on the beach accidenatally throws a rock at me. woops. i meditate aware that people are watching me be weird. hmmm. later, here at the office after a million and one ads that are just like the last ones i am thinking about pop radio

total eclipse of the heart. boys of summer. free falling..cat stevens. i am in the mood for epic heart felt entries. i walk this path with no fear now. fuk the diamond shop mentality and all those saps getting married. i wishem luck but i havent seen one love affair that didnt end up in boredom or heartbreak. don't say you weren't warned. but hey, love is unpredictable right...who can deny love.

i know a heap of fucked up souls right now too. actually i should say fucked up humans because i think their souls are probably quite aware and unconcerned. it's the feeble little humans that wallow in their self pity and lack of confidence..like me...i have sucked harder than its possible to suck. i have wallowed deepr than any pig would dare to go. but now i have no patience for it. the author is dead. the authorties are dead. there is nothing you can escape from. love yourself immediately or sufer the consequences when the other ditches you for the next available interest.

cynic..o..neto you meanass bastard. are you saying love is fickle? are you saying that love is a many splendoured illusion that sucks in the most observant? are you saying don't fall in love?

no. of course not. i am saying get a grip tho. take it from the loser of losers and the whiner if whiners. if you don't have yer shit together then it will fall apart worse if you are trying to weave someone else into the tapestry.

i guess getting shit together is a lfe long process. i like trying to look at it from a whole system perspective. when i am ready to be alone until eternity presents me witha more stable option then i will probably meet the person of my dreams.

and don't mistake this aloneness for lack of people, or a self pity style appeal for sympathy. o..is the wumper a lonely little boy?

no

there are too many people sometimes. sometimes not enough. never fully alone in the roar of a culture cranking out the fabric of its own gorgeous hallucinations. by alone i mean unattached to any of these biobodies channeling sentient idea systems.

i'm looking tho. i suppose. this nagging archetype. these ice blue eyes that haunt dreams. heart with a thousand faces, a million faces, i am looking for you but not impatiently.

rendering anomalies. moments of inordinate strangeness, when the world is not quite like how you remember it being. something in the room isnt sitting quite right. there's an unaccounted for pair of shoes in the hallway. the clock has stopped. the msn window is blinking. somewhere you hear layers of music off back into the distance. its some ungodly hour of the day but you just can't seem to stop it. there's no way but onward.