the essential calm. know this, my mighty friend, your own advice is the most worthwhile attitude adjustment technology i have ever experienced. by your own standards i feel close to what you suggested as a reasonable course of action. so it's been a year in a way...i remember my angst and anguish upon returning from portugal, under the delusion of connection. i have resolved to no longer see the world in terms of co-dependent mythologies. i refuse the drama. i cringe to think i ran you thru the wringer in order to see this and to feel light.

this heart, tho sternly cynical about love and devotion, is as open as its ever been. the inspiration of this lies in the lack of neediness for an external reflection of me. there is nothing i can escape from. the ultimate authority on my effectiveness as a being is me. i am humbled. i am in awe.

you. so misguided and wrong i have been. i understand now, i think. i know i was not incorrect about my feelings tho. love is deeper than mind. now, i can express it without dying in its terrible fire.

i am unfrozen. this cynicism about "relationships" has not made me bitter or cold. it has elated me beyond words. it has allowed real love to be possible. an equalized dynamik in which people may move unobstructed and smoothly.

of all the lessons, this one is the greatest. in releasing the unobtainable mirage, i found reality, and its not bad. not bad at all.