(neto note addendum after first post: this is the second edit of this entry! if silly is reading this she should know that this is not directed at her. but then again, silly said herself she doesnt read this anymore. but if she does..its not any residual bullshit from an unfortunate past. o ya, and if iooi is reading, its just a coincidence that this entry is about guilt..neat huh?))

love for self and others comes when you accept yourself and others for what they do and who they are. residual anger and passive aggressive action just create endless strreams of sadness.

you want to know about love and disappointment? you want to know about forging alliances that are cut off with nothing left to say? lack of trust or lack of self confiedence. my biggest lesson in the aftermath of all of my gnarly encounters with "friends" is to realize that no matter what i thot they were doing to me, or how angry i got about what they weren't doing, it was really me i was disappointed in somehow. and that's the double whammy, no?

i have been dreaming of old lovers and friends lately. these dreams are crazily vivid and symbolic. i am fighting and hiking and running and taking drugs and being crazy.

and then i wake up.

guilt free existence comes when you realize you are not responsible for the unspoken expectations of others and you feel like your lifestyle is in accordance with the core priciples of your code of ethics.

don't let anyone deter you from the path.

o ya

also

i think in some ways, that my last relationship was wished out of existence by other parties who didnt want it to happen. think before you hex someone else because thoughts have power and dreams come true.

be wise.